Pinewoods' Mapmakers

By Ezra Fischer and Erin Talvitie for Skit Night at Campers' Week 2024.
With apologies to Stan Rogers… and our friends who worked on the map.

Oh the year was 2020 and four,
How we wish we had some sherbet now.
We started at the square on New Year's Day,
and we just made Cotty House yesterday.

Goddamn them all!
I was told we'd search the store for something cold.
Get just a snack, no murder!
Now we're the broken ones all covered in burrs, the last of Pinewoods' mapmakers.

We lost three porters climbing to the peak.
How we wish we had some sherbet now.
Field Town might not seem very far,
but look at those fucking elevation bars

First they gave my mate a serif font.
How we wish we had some sherbet now.
I got sans serif and to my rage,
they forced us to mix them up on one page!

Harold was in charge of the compass rose.
How we wish we had some sherbet now.
Was drawn and quartered without a frown,
for suggesting that the North arrow shouldn't point down.

Bill, Phil and Jill swam out and drowned.
How we wish we had some sherbet now.
They were carrying the big red dot we feared,
so the middle of the pond says you are here.

Thanks to Alex Naar, there is video of this sham.